- How long will your project take if I add two people ? 
- Add one month for training, one month for extra complexity, and one month to deal with their drama. 
- But after all of that .... 
- They'll be as useful as this meeting. 
(Dilbert)

- Our CEO wants me to make a 50 slide presentation that will motivate the employees

- Ha ha ! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things

- Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me. 

- I think we should build a blockchain
- Uh-Oh 
- (Does he understand what he said or is it something he saw in trade magazine ad ?)
- What color do you want that blockchain
- I think that mauve has the most ram. 
#Dilbert

- Our numbers are way down. What should we do ? 
- Reoganize the department so there's no valid history for comparison
- then we'll fire few people and give ourselves awars for saving money.
    (Dilbert)

- I know what I'm talking about. I have thirty years in this industry. 

- How does that help you understand that is six months old in a youth-oriented culture ? 

- GRRR

- Please don't hit me with your modem

(Dilbert)

- Let's go around table and give an update on each of our projects. 

- My project is a pathetic series of poorly planned, near-randon acts. 

My life is a tragedy of emotional desperation

- It's more or less customary to say thing are going fine...

(Dilbert)

- We are hiring a Director of Change management

to help employees embrace strategic changes. 

- Or we could come up with strategies that make sense. 

Then employees would embrace change. 

- That sounds harder

(Dilbert)

- You need a dashboard application to track your key metrics
That way you'll have more date to ignore when you make decisions based on company politics
- Will the data be accurate ? 
- Okay, let's pretend that matters
(Dogbert)

You said Change Request ? 

(Dilbert)

- Your user requirements include four hundred features. 

- Do you realize that no human would be able to use a product with this level of complexity ? 

- Good point. I'd better add "easy to use" to the list. 

(Dilbert)

- I need a budget estimate for my project. 

But don't have a scope or a design for it yet. 

- Okay. My estimate is $3.583.729

- You don't know anything about my project

- That makes two of us. 

You'll be in charge of this project. 

... 

Well, you're in charge. 

(Dilbert)

- I'll design the system as soon as you give me the user requirement
- Better yet, you could build the system, then I'll tell your boss that it doesn't meet my needs
- I don't mean to frighten you but you'll have to do some actual works
- That's crasy talk
    (Dilbert)

- What feedback have other people given you on your idea ?

- Smart people like it. Everyone else asks me what other people think.

  (Dilbert) #quote